Feeling the full range of emotions once a divorce in Arizona is imminent can make you feel as if you are going crazy.  Here are some tips for dealing with anger during your divorce. Anger in particular is one of the most potent emotions that you can feel during this time. While it is a very common emotion for all of us and healthy anger could actually help propel you forward in the right situations, couples going through a separation or divorce can feel anything but healthy.

Divorce and Anger

When anger meets up with divorce, it may be because someone is trying to stay in a marriage that is failing. Those individuals experiencing anger before or during a divorce may become comfortable with it as a regular part of their life.

Divorce anger might encourage someone to punish his/her ex while keeping a bitter relationship with that other individual. Some people cling onto anger so much that it takes over their entire life, especially when you are engaged in litigation with your former spouse. This tends to flare up as the court attempts to determine the various issues associated with divorce. For the individual, it can feel like it’s the best possible option to focus on anger instead of other emotions.

Opting for the court as a vehicle to carry out your frustrations and anger is not a good idea for several reasons. It’s certainly an inappropriate venue to do it and it can be very expensive both emotionally and financially to do this. In order to cope with anger caused by your divorce, take a few of the following tips and employ them in your everyday life.

  • Write it down. Writing in journal or writing letters that you don’t intend to send can actually be very helpful.
  • Talk through it. Having a support system like friends and family who can help you during this difficult time may help to relieve some of the pressure. Bear in mind, however, that these communications are not confidential.
  • Look at your core beliefs all over again. Since anger can be based on something that you experienced previously in life and that you then grew up buying into, ask yourself if that belief is really accurate and then move forward with your life.
  • Get professional help. In some situations, it’s best to reach out to a therapist or other professional individual who can help you work through these complex emotions. It is a healthy thing to get situational counseling when facing divorce. Keep in mind that the other party may be entitled to disclosure of the fact that you are seeing a counselor and/or the records of the counseling sessions.
  • Work on personal growth. Investing in yourself and how you can become a better person allows you to channel some of the anger into more positive emotions. This could mean something as simple as picking up a new hobby or starting an exercise program.
  • Keep conflicts to a minimum. Although it can be tempting to engage in more arguments with your spouse as you decide the key issues involved in a divorce, this is not a good opportunity to have any more fights. Remember that your children are already going through several different challenges and life will be difficult for them to cope with their new arrangements after the divorce. This is not an opportunity for you to engage in further conflict with your former spouse. To the extent that you can, let it go and focus on cooperation where interacting with your former spouse is absolutely necessary.
  • Perhaps the most important tip would be not to allow your anger to fester and become something your children witness. Children should not be forced to pick sides and engaging them in anger may be an unconscious way of trying to get them to do so. Remember that bad-mouthing your former spouse to your children makes your children question their own self- worth: “If Mom/Dad thinks Dad/Mom is bad, and I’m half them, what does that mean about me?”

This blog should be used for informational purposes only. It does not create an attorney-client relationship with any reader and should not be construed as legal advice. If you need legal advice regarding Tips for Dealing with Anger During Your Divorce, or other family law issues, please feel free to contact Lindsay A.M. Olivarez at 480.461.5300, log on to udallshumway.com, or contact an attorney in your area. Udall Shumway PLC is located in Mesa, Arizona and is a full service law firm. We assist Individuals, families, businesses, schools and municipalities in Mesa and the Phoenix/East Valley.