Communication after Divorce with Kids Is Essential

Communication with your spouse can be particularly hard during and after a divorce. In fact, lack of communication may be one of the reasons for the breakdown of your marriage. Yet, after a divorce, couples may still need to talk to each other. In fact, communication after divorce with kids is essential in raising happy, healthy children. There are some ways you can improve communication, even after the divorce is final.

Keep Contact to a Minimum

While you need to keep a line of communication open, it is usually not necessary to talk on a daily basis. Set a day or time when you will each be available for a conversation. Make notes throughout the week to make sure that you talk about the important matters that have come up. Also consider whether it is best to keep communications to e-mailing. Most parents find it effective to have e-mail as the primary method of communication with phone and text contact used only in the event of an emergency and/or something very time-sensitive.

Discuss Only Issues Related to the Kids

Remember that you should be talking about the children and their needs. Keep your kid’s issues as the only topic of discussion. Make a rule that you will limit your conversation to only the children. Soon you will find that you can have a more open dialogue with your former partner when you stick to the rules.

Agree to Leave the Past Behind

It can take a long time to heal emotionally from a divorce. Although it may seem like a good time to discuss your marital problems, don’t do it. Agree to leave your divorce issues behind you, and avoid creating problems by bringing up uncomfortable topics.

Use Text Messages in a Respectful Manner

Texting is the most common mode of communication these days. As easy as it may be to send a message, refrain from doing so unless it is important. Use texting as a way to remind the other about something important, but try to avoid making it a constant bother.

Leave the Kids Out of It

For some couples, communication with each other can be less than a pleasant task. No matter how difficult it may be, you must communicate directly with your former spouse. Do not pass notes through the kids, or ask them to tell your ex something. These messages not only get lost in translation, they send a message to the children that the parents are not able to properly communicate with each other.

Leave New Partners Out of It

Communication should be between the parents themselves and not their new partners or spouses.

Using Common Sense

In addition to these tips, generally consider your own common sense. Avoid aggressive tones, curse words, name-calling, random key strokes in the place of curse words, repetitive/multiple communications, and other communication that does not advance the cause of the children’s best interests.

Certainly communicating with your ex can be challenging at times. Remember that both parents need to stay in communication regarding the needs of their children. When facing a divorce, consult with the experienced legal team at Udall Shumway PLC to assist you with all your needs.

This blog should be used for informational purposes only. It does not create an attorney-client relationship with any reader and should not be construed as legal advice. If you need legal advice regarding Communication after Divorce with Kids, or other family law issues, please feel free to contact Barry C. Dickerson at 480.461.5300, log on to, or contact an attorney in your area. Udall Shumway PLC is located in Mesa, Arizona and is a full service law firm. We assist Individuals, families, businesses, schools, and municipalities in Mesa and the Phoenix/East Valley.